This month as we explore the virtue of FORGIVENESS it helped me to reflect on my past.
The word FORGIVENESS takes a lot of effort to apply in one’s daily life. How easy it is for someone to instruct you to forgive – but is it that easy to do? Don’t feel guilty if your answer was ‘NO’ – I know that feeling all too well.
Many tend to think that an individual is weak when they forgive but in fact it’s the opposite, forgiveness is a sign of strength. Looking back, I remember how hard it was for me and the level of strength it took for me to forgive.
I went through an abusive marriage for 5 years which left me feeling useless, lacking confidence, ugly and unfit as a mother, a complete loser. Anyone that has lived this experience will know and understand where I am coming from, you tend to adopt the belief that everything is your fault.
During and after the divorce proceedings I was stalked, had all my clothes removed from my house and had numerous items including my brand new car damaged constantly. I felt as if I was going through a whirlwind and my life had come to a halt. I ended up becoming depressed and overcome with suicidal tendencies as it all just became too much. I attempted suicide but failed and, despite it being a sign of selfishness that I didn’t even think about my kids, all I could see was relief from no longer existing.
I had an ex-husband making my life hell, a son from the marriage who had special needs with so many issues, debts and feeling like a complete waste, I thought how worse could it ever get? Imagine the hatred developed for someone that could make you feel and react to this level
Why am I sharing this with you?
You see I now hated my myself as well as my Ex-husband. I blamed myself for making the wrong choices and for messing up both my life and that of my children. I not only needed to find the strength to forgive my ex but also myself and not being able to kept me stagnant for a long while.
Can someone hate or even yet forgive themselves?
Many people carry resentment against themselves without realising it and find it actually more difficult to forgive themselves than others. I carried so much hatred for my ex-husband that just hearing his name made my blood boil. I would attend an event and as soon as he entered I would then leave not realising I was only ruining my own life.
I love this awesome quote by the great Nelson Mandela “Un-forgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die” exactly what I was doing.
Ask yourself how many times have you been engulfed with bitterness towards someone after they have offended you and you spend so much time focusing on it whilst they carry on with their life?
I have come to find that real forgiveness is inner peace and that the only way to really be free is to be able to forgive and let go. That is when the real you will begin to shine. “When something someone says or does upsets you, you being upset is not about the other person. Feelings are triggered within you when an external source bumps into something that is already there.” – Iyanla Vanzant
There are times that we may feel like we have forgiven but we really haven’t well at least I had that experience. I thought I was there and I was the bigger person until I realised that I truly hadn’t forgiven. I would speak to him and show all the right signs outside but inside was a different story. However, I felt a wave of joy when the day came that he sent me a text asking me to forgive him for all he had done to me and I was honestly able to reply “You are already forgiven” because at that time I could see, hear and think of him without a negative thought – True forgiveness.
Forgiveness is healing, an inner cleanse, a gift of freedom and true empowerment. The true virtue of forgiveness is being able to have compassion for those who have wronged you and letting go. Be as free as a bird soaring through the sky with no strings holding you back, feeling so light within you, with no negative thoughts towards anyone including yourself. Living and letting your spirit live.
Go ladies and feel the wind beneath your wings.
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